day 20: meditation

Okay guys, so... Today is day 20, which I know doesn't make any sense because it's been, like, 4 days since I last posted about meditation. I was sick all weekend with (what I think was) food poisoning. Can you say lame? Of course the one weekend when I'm not really that busy with homework, I'm super sick. I was basically throwing up all the time. It sucked. So, long story short, I didn't get to meditate those days, but today I did. I don't know why it didn't go so well. It's probably because I haven't in so long so I wasn't used to clearing my mind as easily. I guess I also have a lot to think about. Well.. do I? It was mostly anxious thoughts for some reason, so I don't really have to think about those things, they just happen. I think I'm afraid someone is gonna come into the dorm room and mess up my meditation, which isn't something to be super worried about, but it does worry me. I want to be alone, and to be honest, I want the moments to be perfect. Classic Carolanne! I always want things to be perfect. I have come a long way, though. Now things don't have to be as perfect as they used to be, and I'm getting more okay with not giving my all on some things so I can give my all in others. I think that's an important lesson to learn (and I wouldn't even know where to begin when thinking about the lessons I've been learning lately). Sigh. I don't really have much to talk about today. Maybe tomorrow (or later even). Namaste.
artfully yours