Golly gee, my life sure does take a toll on me sometimes. It's not like it was a particular stressful weekend, but it was full of getting ready for the dance performance (I'm on the Champlain College dance team). It was fine, but I didn't really want to perform for everyone, especially because I wasn't really into it, but that's a conversation for another day. Regardless, it took away from my meditation and that's upsetting!
day 13 (Thursday, April 7th): I didn't really "meditate" this day. What I mean by that is I didn't actually sit down in the meditative posture on my bed or wherever and consciously meditate for a good amount of time (like 5 to 10 minutes). Instead I just spent 1 minute in class (because we do this everyday in my Cognitive Psych class) to mindfully be present, which is basically what I do when I meditate for myself anyway. It was nice, very refreshing, but not really how I like to meditate. The lights are too bright, but I wasn't too hyped up but also not too aggravated (about who knows what), so I found myself able to slip right into a nice relaxing place. It was sweet because I don't really enjoy that class, plus everyone needs a moment to gather themselves!
day 14 (Friday, April 8th): The reason I didn't blog for this day was because I didn't get to meditate until around midnight anyway, so it just felt too late (and I was way tired) to even type on my computer. At least I meditated, though! It was really just me sitting on my boyfriends bed. I pictured the pond again, but this time found myself slipping into a very present state of feeling my entire body calm at once. It was as if the calmness was inside my brain and my brain was moving together. As if my neurons were all breathing and sending synapse at such a low frequency (and yet -- it must have been high because of the level of concentration I needed to do something like this) that everything in the rest of my body breathed and moved and worked all together in a beautiful symphony. I know, that's pretty poetic. You're welcome.
day 15 (Sunday, April 9th): Yes, yes. I missed Saturday, but I decided to go out with my friends instead, and it was a good idea. I had so much fun! Sometimes it's okay to skip a day so you have fun doing something else. On Sunday I meditated as I was trying to sleep. I laid on my back, eyes closed, palms up, and mind clear. I just breathed, hoping it would calm me down enough to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep. It did calm me down, but I didn't get to the full experience I've felt before. That's okay though (and I didn't fall asleep until 30 minutes later).
day 16 (Monday, today!): I just meditated. Probably about 10 minutes ago. It wasn't for long, but to be honest, I don't really feel comfortable meditating in my room when my roommate is here. I'm not entirely sure, but that's okay. Soon I'll have my meditation spot in my own room where I can sit in peace and meditate till the day is done. Anyway, it was still a pretty nice meditation. I found myself thinking about writing this blog, though, and all the work I have to do. There were a few moments where I wasn't thinking about anything, but those thoughts mostly slipped in at any moment they found me vulnerable. I think that just means I should amp up my game and practice meditation even more (including timing myself so I can learn how to meditate for a long time). I think it also helped me realize just how much I think about the future. I wish I was more able to spend time in the moment, but that's why I'm trying to understand and cultivate mindful meditation in everyday life. Lately I've been doing it while walking. In fact, the other day I did it while me and my boyfriend were having sex (and believe me, ladies, if you learn to practice mindfulness and use it in the bedroom to focus on everything you feel in the now, you will not ever regret it *wink*). On that note, I think I'll retire for the night. Namaste!
artfully yours
No comments:
Post a Comment